My journey began as a young child growing up in South Africa. My parents emigrated here when I was just 3 years old. Little did I know then just how much this experience would shape my adult life and mind.
I went to a very strict private Catholic school. My parents aren’t religious but this was the safest place for me to go to school at the time. In the 80’s South Africa was a very dangerous place.
Strict rules and regulations were in place. As well as very high standards of practice. Everything you did was to be done to a high standard.
This was largely to ensure we followed orders for our safety! As well as to better your future. There were many dangers from deadly creatures but also attacks on the schools.
Good morals and behaviour were expected at all times.
It was a very strict environment. Corporal punishments were still used!
I spent most of my childhood living in fear of punishments and making sure I did everything that was expected of me to avoid getting into trouble!
Ironically the things that were a bigger risk to my actual life didn’t phase me at all!
I didn’t realise or understand the importance these experiences would have on my adult life or how they shaped my mindset until much later on in life.
Or that the reasons behind what seemed to be harsh & unnecessary were done out of care to keep us safe & drum in the importance of listening and understanding that we had to do as we were told because it was potentially dangerous not too! It worked!!! The fear of punishment was enough for me to listen!
On the contrary to that I’m certainly not OK with this kind of thing happening now! There are far better ways to educate children!
What was just normal life then was anything far from normal now! Teachers carried guns to protect the children and we were all locked in school behind barbed wire gates! It’s absolutely crazy when I think about it now but back then this was “normal” and life as I knew it.
Behind the chaos & instability of life itself there was a calmness and security in the regimented and strict rules at school.
Despite the fears of being punished at school I have many happy memories of life in South Africa. It was a totally different way of life where everyone looked out for one another.
Coming back to England was a big culture shock!
I struggled at school and was bullied for living in South Africa! Also for my disciplined ways.
Life seemed incredibly unruly back in England which I struggled with.
It was harder to make friends. People seemed less welcoming unlike in South Africa where you were welcomed with open arms and not judged.
It was never really a question of making friends you were just instantly friends with people you were introduced with.
There were far bigger concerns in life to worry about. Everyone got on and we were always having big friendly get togethers with neighbours & friends.
At school in South Africa bullying or any unfavourable behaviour was just not tolerated. Everyone had respect for one another.
You were equal, you were all respectful and you accepted everyone, regardless of gender, race or your background. There was no “trying to fit in” everyone had your best interests at heart.
I did meet my best friend early on in returning to England. We are still very close. She‘s a strong & selfless person and has been such an inspiration. I don’t really keep in touch with many people from my school years!
Back in England I began to rebel against a lot of life and my own feelings. I began to hate my past as felt this was what prevented me from “fitting in” I wanted to be like everyone else.
Today I love not being like everyone else and feel my experiences are what make me unique. I don’t want to be like everyone else!
I certainly wouldn’t want to be anything like some of the people I have encountered in life especially when I was growing up but as a teenager you just want to be accepted! I couldn’t wait to leave school and see more of the world.
I then discovered boys or should I say they discovered me. I seemed more accepted among males! I think we all know why!!!!
In some ways I was quite naive with my past upbringing and with other things not so. I think it took a long time to learn that not everyone has your best interest at heart!
I had several bad experiences with relationships & friendships.
I had a slight contempt towards men for many years after some very negative experiences which led me to believe they were all the same and only after one thing!
It’s kind of true but not so at the same time lol. I understand men a lot more these days!!!
I don’t regret any of my experiences good or bad because they have made me the strong woman I am today.
I have always been headstrong and this coupled with the toxic personalities in previous relationships was not a good combination.
For years I thought I was too demanding, expected too much, too emotional, too deep, too controlling when in reality I was only asking for respect and wanting the same high standards I give in return.
It was confusing because everything I was taught was suddenly a bad thing! I was causing problems! Or so I was told!
I now know these behaviours were not bad, demanding or that asking for respect are not too much to ask for in any relationship.
Having high stands is a great thing! And you should never accept less than you deserve.
Sometimes people don’t possess the emotional intelligence to be able to match yours! And when you say you are not happy with something you are met with defence! Acknowledging an issue and dealing with it means taking responsibility for things!! All things I was taught at a very young age in school in South Africa!
These experiences of course leave you questioning yourself.
When people self project their insecurities onto you or gaslight their toxic behaviour you start to think you are the problem.
As a young adult you are also not aware of such behaviour and the dangers they have on your mental well-being.
Age & experience helps with this.
Also in my case so did discovering the world of Femdom. This was where my interest in psychology developed too.
I think I was very misunderstood as a person growing up. I myself was confused and questioned so much about my past despite having a very supportive and caring family. I still felt like I was unable to fully relate to people or express myself fully.
I discovered Femdom in my early 20’s. The internet was nothing like it is today though!
Things seemed to slowly make sense. I started to understand myself! I could relate to others. There were other people out there who were like me!
It opened up a world of likeminded Ladies.
There were men who adored strong women that placed high expectations on themselves and others. My life started to fall into place. I became more grounded and confident. I got rid of a lot of toxic people holding me back. Fast forward to today and I am content & happy with life.
Men sought guidance & leadership from strong women yet still love the femininity of a women. Appreciating us for who we are.
These are by no means weak men either! A submissive is not a weak person! They’re highly educated and intelligent men who want to worship women as they should be! Who see our strengths and aren’t intimidated by them.
Men who want to see your success and happiness and help you achieve it because this gives them pleasure.
I love everything that the Femdom world has given me.
It’s been an interesting journey into Femdom, lots of ups and downs as well as a huge learning curve.
As with all life has to offer, it’s is a journey. Always learning, growing, developing & changing! Throwing many challenges to overcome.
Femdom allowed me to understand myself and heal from some of my past negative experiences.
It taught me that not all men are only after one thing! Many wishing to relinquish their sexuality to your control in order to be better for you and all women.
Gentlemen looking to please. Looking for guidance. Looking for forgiveness in some cases and letting go of the past. They need a purpose. They want to feel a sense of belonging.
This world is more than just physical pain! It is also not sexual in some cases. It is however always emotional!
It has many dimensions, but the psychological aspect plays a bigger role than the physical side.
On the surface it looks to be about causing hurt & suffering. This is an inexperienced eyes view! It goes much deeper!
It is complex, it is about raw emotion, it is about letting go, breaking boundaries and building strength of mind. It is about healing, being vulnerable but also feeling safe.
For me, femdom has also been a journey. A learning experience and time to grow.
I look back at some of my early Femdom days and cringe at some of the things I thought, believed and did!
Never anything non consensual or dangerous I might add! It was all about extremities for me then and not fully understanding the complex nature of the mind. I guess when you are younger your emotions are more extreme!
I think age as well as the lack of knowledge and experience in this field played a part in my mindset back then too. I will probably look back in another 10 years and think wow this post is so out of touch now!
My tastes have changed as I have grown as a person. As much as I am happy & enjoy performing certain acts of BDSM it is all about the connection between myself and a potential submissive. I do not mean sexual! This does not interest me in the slightest. I look for trust, loyalty, honesty & commitment. My submissive men have to be interesting and fun! They have to take the time to learn about me and how they can please me, enhance my life whether it’s making me smile or contributing to making my life easier in some way.
I do still partake in 1-2-1 sessions if someone is of interest to me and I think I will enjoy it and I get a good vibe from them. They are few and far between, I have a regular stable of loyal and devoted followers. Many have served me for 10 plus years now!
I am more interested in submissive men that put me before their kinks or sexual pleasure when it comes to 1-2-1 interactions.
As we age, gain wisdom and outgrow our younger selves our mindset naturally deepens and expands. I am not the same person I was last year let alone 10 years ago.
The internet and information wasn’t like it is today! There’s so much value to be found online if you look in the right places.
I wish I had been able to access the information back then in such a way that it is available now.
I think I would of discovered my true self sooner and been far more comfortable in expressing myself - and had a better understanding of why I am like this.
I didn’t know this world existed until my twenties but it is not something you automatically understand. It takes years of exploration.
It’s almost like it found me. It has been a world of self discovery since as well as helping many others.
I have had many conversations over time during 1-2-1 sessions with men about their kinks, pre internet days they thought they were the only person who had this bizarre fantasy, when the internet came along and they saw that there were actually many people out there who enjoyed their fetish they felt relieved that they weren’t alone in their kookiness. I can relate to this in discovering that I’m not also the only woman out there that likes to take control and won’t put up with any nonsense! We are a rare breed indeed but that is why we are so highly regarded!
I hope that my words inspire those reading - whether you are male or female and especially if you are in the beginning of your journey but remember no matter where you are you can always learn & grow.
Making mistakes is normal and how we learn to be better! Don’t be afraid to make mistakes but always act with integrity. It goes a long way.
Never feel guilty if something isn’t right for you! Toxic minds are good at playing the victim to get what they want and using guilt as a way to control you or make you feel like you are the one who is in the wrong! Listen to your instincts. They are always right.
Simply walk away from anything that does not feel good. Do not waste your time or energy going in the wrong direction. It detracts from the things you really want! Do not devote your time and attention on anything that does not deserve it.
I believe you always have the answers inside of you if you listen to yourself - we are good at avoiding things also to protect our feelings but deep down we always know the truth in ourselves as to whether something is right or not.
The world of Domination & submission is very misinterpreted. It is within itself a huge contradiction. We are not here to cause harm! And respect works in both directions!
As a Dominant you look after your submissive NOT take advantage.
Communication is vital and consent is paramount!
If you are unsure don't do it! There's no need to rush into anything.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Do what feels right to you. This goes to fellow Femdomme’s and submissive’s!
Learn from others! Be inspired but in order to be truly empowered do what is right for you!
Certainly don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you are not a true Domme or sub because they have compared you to someone else and you don’t do what they do or do something someone else doesn’t!
This is your journey! And the right people will find you on both sides of the coin. Don’t settle for less!
Boundaries are important as a Dominant or submissive.
There is no wrong of right way of doing things other than acting with integrity and doing the right thing in all situations.
Great things take time!
With gratitude & love
Goddess Superior xx
The Superior Woman 👑
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