What’s life like in and outside of the adult industry?
Let‘s start with what it is like to work in the adult industry?
Personally I love it! I have encountered far more negativity in general society even without them knowing what I do for a living.
But boy when they do!!! You either get a really positive response of interest or total disrespect!
This industry is my safe space. The people I meet in general are positive & supportive.
It has given me experiences and opportunities that no other industry could of and I have met some fantastic connections from every industry thinkable and good friends working in the adult community.
Of course you encounter trolls but I don’t see anyone in any industry not getting trolled online! The only way to avoid criticism is say nothing, do nothing and be nothing! if you put yourself out there in anyway you encounter good and bad things.
Although the adult industry does have a lot of extremely narrow minded people & extremist views polluting the platforms we engage on. *block* 🥰
Working in the sex industry leaves you kind of tainted in the eyes of many!
A lot of people can’t get passed what you do to see who you truly are!
They make assumptions from being unable to work in any other industries, lacking in intelligence to being promiscuous, lacking in morals and integrity which couldn’t be any further from the truth!
Believe me, I’ve met a good deal of “professional” people who possess zero integrity behind their professional window!!!
It’s assumed that somehow you “ended” up here & need “saving” rather than making a considered choice to work in this industry.
Heaven forbid you might actually enjoy it 😱
Having worked as both a model (photographic & webcam) & a Mistress for 20 years I have encountered many different types of men and many different reasonings for them to acquire the services of a professional adult worker.
I’ll touch on just a few of them below.
Loneliness is one the biggest factors. Intimacy isn’t just about sex. Countless times I have engaged with men on & offline who just want to share their lives & minds with someone else who aren’t going to judge them.
If you’re working in this industry in any form you’re likely to be incredibly open minded and there’s an element of safety to be completely vulnerable in this scenario.
Adult workers tend to be some of the least non judgmental people around! We see & hear a lot! Nothing shocks us!
I’ve been dressed up in stockings and suspenders sitting on camera expecting guys to be like a dog near a bitch on heat and they just want to talk. It’s really sweet.
Unfulfilled relationships. Yes it’s true and there’s so much I could write about this topic but many men are unfulfilled and turn to external pleasure to fill the void that they’re lacking - either they’re stuck in a relationship they don’t want to be in or don’t know how to fix issues of intimacy or their partner simply is interested in sex anymore (all issues that can be addressed and worked on together) but they still need an outlet for their sexual desires.
Escapism! Now this is both good and bad. Every one needs an outlet, a way to switch off and de-stress from time to time. This isn’t bad and men especially enjoy sex as a way to de-stress! And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!
It becomes a problem when your escapism (of any nature, alcohol, food, gambling even exercise when taken to extremes) is used to avoid situations that you need to deal with or it starts to impinge on your day to day functioning or causing harm in some way to yourself, life or others around you.
Singledom. Some single men want to share their sexual experiences and have engagement with another person from time to time. They are perhaps very busy with their careers and know they don’t have the time right now to commit fully to a relationship or just don’t want a full on relationship!
Exploration. Some men just want to explore their sexuality to learn more about themselves whether it’s kink or vanilla or even their sexual orientation. They want to do this professionally to gain understanding and insight as to “who they are” in a safe non judgmental environment before entering into a relationship so they can be confident about who they are and what they want from a relationship especially on a sexual level.
Fun. Sometimes it’s just fun. It’s thrilling. It feels naughty and why not! If it’s consensual and you’re not hurting anyone why shouldn’t you engage in these services? Life is for living! It’s not for everyone but if you want to why not! Even couples have sought my services to spice up their sex lives!
Seeking adult services is not wrong or bad! Just because some might not like it doesn’t mean others shouldn’t do it!
There’s still a lot of stigma and judgments placed on the adult world by those with no real knowledge or understanding of what really goes on behind the scenes.
Media coverage always tends to focus on the negative aspects of the adult industry. Which in 20 years I have seen very few!
Perhaps the most negative experiences I have encountered are from society and the judgments they cast upon us and not from the industry itself!
Every single industry has negative aspects or those who abuse their positions. Even the most professional environments and industries attract rotten eggs! Sadly it is just life that people or certain individuals everywhere behave unfavourably.
I have had far more unpleasant experiences with unwanted and inappropriate male attention working outside of this industry or in social situations before I became a professional adult worker! The industry actually gave me the confidence to deal with these situations!
Many adult workers don’t experience trauma from the work itself they experience it from the way society and those outside of the industry treats them! Fact!
The adult industry is very protective of its community! Just look at how we all came together over the Only Fans debacle withdrawing adult payment processing to appease MasterCard - largely spurred on by religious extremists yet again trying to shut us down. Using the guise of “protecting people” by forcing MasterCard to withdraw adult processing.
Doing this combats nothing in the fight against heinous crimes that are of a sexual nature but absolutely nothing to do with the adult community or what we promote! It’s a dark area of life that most people are sickened by aside from the depraved individuals that perpetuate such atrocities!
This is about extremist control & power. Censorship! Nothing else! Personally I find it concerning that any organisation has such influence over our banking system, surely they should remain totally impartial provided money is not being made via illegal means.
To be able to destroy livelihoods with no warning is incredibly wrong!
It actually pushes legitimate adult work underground making it unsafer all round! We should be bringing safety issues out into the open and making the industry acceptable in society!
Not to mention many large companies that have been happy to use our power and influence to gain notoriety then turn their backs on us having climbed up the status ladder. I don’t think Only Fans were expecting quite the backlash they received and soon returned their decision, it was too little too late for many of us that take pride & professionalism in our work. It was a huge betrayal of trust and an opportunity for a billionaire dollar company to take a stand in the industry that could of proved revolutionary!
Our wonderful industry is attacked every day in some form! Whether as a whole or individually!
In a world where society fights daily for the freedoms, equality and rights of others it doesn’t quite reach out to the adult industry and adult community.
I will defend myself and this industry to my dying day! It’s not perfect. But no industry is just as life isn’t perfect and nor are people!
It’s far from the evil and often unkind portrayal society makes it out to be!
The industry has helped raise awareness and donated millions of pounds to good causes!
Yet on too many occasions it’s deemed acceptable to treat adult workers (especially women) with less care and respect as you would others in society.
I think it’s about time society accepted the adult industry as a legitimate industry.
It’s often labelled as “not a real job” despite countless hours behind the scenes doing every aspect of business administration that any other business has to!
If only HMRC didn’t see it as a legitimate income/business! I’d save a fortune! I’d probably be writing this on a yacht somewhere!
I get that working in this industry is going to draw attention. You’re going to have people judge you. I have broad shoulders and if I cared that much about what others think I’d never live the life I want too & be very unhappy - I certainly wouldn’t be doing this job!
However I love my life and what I do. I let a lot of ignorant comments just wash over my head because it’s not worth my time or peace of mind dealing with them. They’re predicable and boring!
I won’t however tolerate disrespect. I will always set boundaries which I feel many people are shocked by when they find themselves on the receiving end.
They think they can say whatever they please or do whatever they want because of your career - they forget you’re a real person, with emotions & feelings. You’re not just a fantasy or object!
They only see your “image” not your true self so when they get brought back to reality with a direct response they really don’t know how to deal with it.
They either disappear quicker than they found you or you get a torrent of abuse often being told you’re aggressive & need putting in your place!
No! I’m not mean or aggressive I’m honest & assertive and that makes you feel uncomfortable because I feel you have acted inappropriately or disrespectfully toward me.
Before you engage with someone in the industry ask yourself - would you say or do the things you are about to, to a waitress or accountant or someone you just met?
Would you be happy with someone treating your sister, mother, daughter, female friend or partner in the way you are about to engage towards an adult worker?
Our open mindedness does not equal a tolerance for incivility!
Rarely do you get someone who is introspective and apologetic realising they perhaps overstepped the mark taking accountability for their actions and emotions.
In my day to day job I provide a professional service. I still expect to be tested with respect however I do understand I’m going to encounter idiots! It goes with the territory!
Outside of my career I do everyday things just as others do in society! I walk my dogs, I love nature, I love helping others, I read books, I spend time with my friends & family, I love food, I love working out, travelling, learning new things. Just like anyone else I have to deal with life, good days, bad days, illness and everything else life throws in your path.
It is very challenging to be happy and upbeat on the days you’re dealing with life’s tough demands and inside you just want to hide but you still go out there and carry on regardless.
What makes it so hard is that we live a lot of our lives online so the expectations of you being here every day at any hour are high and demanding. You get little time out unlike regular jobs where you have evenings and weekends to yourself to switch off.
My days tend to be doing business admin, dealing with day to day life, creating content and evenings online & editing.
It is important to dedicate yourself some strict self care time though! You need quality time away from work, away from screens, time with friends & family & time for your physical and mental well-being.
In my day to day life I have strict boundaries on what I will and won’t tolerate.
Those that can’t get past the fantasy of my adult work or persona or are insecure about what I do rarely get my time & attention.
They don’t get to know what I’m really like and I’m pretty damn awesome in the real world too! Many who know me in & out of the industry say the real me is actually the best me! I have so many facets to discover.
The way people perceive you and treat you says a lot more about them than it does you!
I’ve seen a lot of changes within and towards the adult industry but there’s still a long way to go before society as a whole has more respect for us as an industry and as individuals!
I’m sure many adult workers can relate to this.
As a woman you can be many things! Fun AND smart. Beautiful AND kind. Strong AND emotional. Driven, ambitious AND feminine. Crazy AND intelligent. You don’t have to choose between one or the other, intellect or sexuality. You can be a fantastic mix of many things. A unique & powerful expression. Society at large still has the opinion you can only be one or the other! And that certain attributes can be respected whilst others should not. This is total BS!
I always choose learning over judgement. Understanding over ignorance. A positive mindset over a negative one.
This attitude enables us to grow and develop. Never let small minds and insecurities of others hold you back.
Society is going to judge you anyway so do what you want, live a life that makes you happy and fulfilled. Be kind to others but don’t tolerate or give time to anyone who doesn’t see your value!
One of my biggest rules to live by is to not care what others think. Take more care about what you know to be true. Value what truly matters and don’t put anything else above it.
I’m too busy creating a life I love with the beautiful souls that surround me on my journey to care what others think about it. They don’t know me! They see a version of me online!
If people don’t respect you, your work or your boundaries they are not the people you want to have around you no matter what you do.
Never settle for second best, keep doing you! Be proud of you!
The right people will always find you from the energy you give out.
You are not “too much” some people simply can’t handle you. You’re not intimidating they’re intimidated by you. There’s a difference!
If your being challenges their comfort this is their issue! They need to look into themselves and ask why! You do not need to shrink to their level so they feel better and certainly never accept attempts to make you feel less than you are.
Their insecurities are not yours! Disrespect is an attempt to project their fears onto you so they appear better! Don’t tolerate it!
Being open with your mind & sexuality is a beautiful thing! Jealousy is ugly! Don’t forget that! Often people try to make you feel bad for doing the things they wish they had the courage to do!
Happy people secure in themselves don’t feel the need to judge or bring others down.
Although this is largely written in relation to the adult industry and my experiences the ethics of respect ✊🏼 are for everyone, in every walk of life for all genders!
Keep shining ✨ don’t change who you are to make others feel better. Let them rise to your vibration.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind ✌🏼
Respect EVERYONE regardless of who they are or what they do! Treat them how you would wish to be treated! Respect isn’t negotiated depending on how much money you earn or what you do for a living!
With Love & Gratitude 🙏🏼
Goddess Becky xox
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